I've dealt with some pretty crass folks in my 20 years as an adult. That's not surprising, considering I spent most of that time in show biz. But two of the most notable dickhead moves I've experienced occurred when I attempted to transition out of boho-land and get a "real" job.
In 2002 and 2003 I was up for multiple Music Editor positions in the New Times (now Village Voice) chain. At the time, I was a regular freelancer for them, and all the higher ups that mattered dug my writing (or so I was repeatedly told by them). The first time out, I was one of two finalists for the Miami NT gig - but my ex-guitar player from a band that broke up in 1993 was an associate editor in the chain and talked just enough shit about me to keep me from getting it in favor of a know-nothing dork who spent 4 years writing about the same 5 nerd-rap groups.
In 2003, the same shitbird guitar player called every editor in the chain, willfully fighting the company's headhunter who said my resume "shined on my desk like a pearl in a sea of crap." Finally he got me an in-person interview in Dallas. Unknown to me, the Dallas Observer was led by an editor who called herself "Bible Girl" online. She flew me in to ask a bunch of loaded, salacious questions that had no right answer. One short interview and Mexican dinner later, she had enough material to fictionalize me as an immature gossip who was unworthy of editorship. This effectively ended my career with the company.
I found out later that it was a set-up from the get go. "Bible Girl" didn't like my "helltrout" aol screen name and decided to exorcise me from her devout branch of the alt-weekly borg. But then, new times/VVM is an entity led by known assholes. They have a proud corporate history of waiting for their writers to win awards, trumpeting them, and then firing the writers over bullshit. Screwing people is the New Times way.
So imagine my surprise when I applied for a gig way below my qualifications at a non profit, that the same old crass bullshit was on the menu. I had hoped that the local chapter of a national do-good organization led by the sunny daughter of a local luminary would be a little less crass than a for-profit, arts tabloid chain that thrived on scandal. I thought that her smiling face which spouted all sorts of common ground, including a shared alumni status at the local performing arts school, was a good sign. Everything at our interview seemed positive. I immediately got an invitation to the "group" interview. It looked like it was my job to lose and that I had a new career path all lit up.
Alas the "group" interview was an exercise in crassness. I, along with a dozen recent college grads, was given and exercise to complete in 25 minutes while the non profit's fearless leader watched with her employees. As we both went to the same acting program, it wasn't totally unfamiliar. We were to pretend to be an executive board in charge of deciding which 4 out of the 7 non profit pitches listed on our worksheet were worthy of being funded.
In other words, it was a classic role reversal. The sheep (my group) had to pretend to be the sheep farmers (our would-be bosses) and decide who was producing sweater-worthy coats, and who was going to be a mutton chop.
We were given 25 minutes to carve ourselves up. For the first 14 minutes, our group was dominated by an indecisive stooge who bent over backwards to waste as much time as possible to make sure the bosses knew he was all about "inclusion." With six minutes to go, he hadn't gotten us past our first task - so I took over. I convinced the (very nervous) group to vote again (with the same results we had gotten at the 23 minute mark) split the group in half, and allowed him to feel good about himself while writing an acceptance announcement, while I wrote the rejection letter with the 4 people in the room who had a clue as to what the assignment was.
The task was completed with 15 seconds to spare. Because of me. Period. The staff had nice things to say about the "way we gelled together." As I was the sole supply of verbal pectin, I thought I aced their exercise.
Apparently I wrote a great rejection letter. Because I got a standardized form letter that used what I wrote word for word. If you looked up "plagiarism" in the dictionary, this form letter would be in the 2012 edition as an example.
16 years ago, I a dated an Israeli girl who introduced me to the concept of "Fadiha" which is an arab term for a something that's so wrong that it becomes funny.
Dear Miami Public Allies Director, Asha Loring - ripping off a writer's work and using it to separate yourself from him is tone-deaf, crass, and unprofessional. If leaders are what you are trying to build - you might want to switch from non-profit work to investment banking. Because that's where letting people forge the knife you stick them with is an accepted tactic.
In time this incident might graduate to "fadiha" status. Right now it just sucks.
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