Take 2

Dear diary, It's been a month since our last attempt at juice fasting.


So last week, I picked up a new juicer from a rich, big titted FIU prof who runs the very program I dropped out of 2 years ago after one mini semester. Go figure. I also bought most of her used used pots, as she's doing a whole kitchen remodel. Despite Jade being with me in her half million dollar mcmansion in BFE Palmetto Bay, I creeped her out when I told her I was briefly in her special ed program, which is funny considering I had no idea it was her program. She was so eager to get me out, she forgot to put the frigging pulp catcher  in my trunk which caused a week long delay in getting it back.

As an aside, her program sucks. Putting grad students in undergrad classes, and charging double for the same course with just a little extra busywork is total bullshit. I learned the same shit as the 18 year old girl next to me. It was a little demeaning. And since there's a permanent hiring freeze in the public schools, there was no reason to drop 25K + on another degree that wouldn't get me any work. It was almost as the pneumonia and collapsed lung I got during that semester was trying to tell me to get the fuck out.

Anywho, as I'm not going to be eating solid foods for the foreseeable future, I made a point to go out with a gluttonous bang. First I had lunch at the filipino joint that's in Professor Boobies' hood. I had been angling to go there for months with no luck. It was a little disappointing, but the lumpia were good. Then I made a decent gumbo ya ya, but the heat level was so mild it was at Lai's level and it didn't wow.

My gluttony level got a nice boost with an unexpected visit from my friend Tom, who road manages a world famous corporate rock band that's high on the suck meter. His charges were flown in to play a private show at the Fountainbleau for 250 wireless salesmen.
I drove out and took Tom to Pubbelly, a gastropub on the bay side of south beach. The first time I visited that joint, it was post LCD soundsystem party during Basel week and the semi-hot bartender split her time between feeding me free draft beer and trying to figure out a discreet space to fuck one of the cooks in their open kitchen.
This time, the joint was full, even at 30 minutes before close, and the beer was $9-$18 a pop. Good thing Tom is in the top tax bracket. Thanks to him, I finally tried some of pubbelly's justifiably famous bacon-wrapped, chorizo-stuffed dates. We also had duck dumplings (very good), pork belly dumplings (good) and pesto covered scallops (great). Tom regaled me with tales concerning his singer's LSD (lead singer disease) outbreaks, which were annoying to be sure - but massaging that kobe cash cow seems to be pretty worthwhile. Especially in comparison to the crazy shit I had to put up with while in the Weird World of BF.


Lai was bumming hard about her job and wanted to go out last night, so my final caloric blowout was at Chu's in the gables. We've had this restaurant.com coupon sitting around for almost a year, because Lai was concerned Jade wouldn't eat anything there. So it was a nice surprise that they had the full dim sum menu available, albeit marked up a couple bucks.  So Jade could have her normal pork bun and egg custards.
And we could finally eat Chu's peking duck. Lai is a duck fanatic and I love peking duck. So it was on like donkey kong. The server carved up the whole duck next to the table for the mu shu duck course (which was very good, but not as good as the 2nd course), and we made conversation with the older couple next to us, who were vegetarian groupies of the chef, which struck me as odd as the dude was frigging HUGE. I mean Dom Delouise huge. No way he got that big eating just veggies. It was a nice night out, which got ruined when Lai made a crack that the dude wasn't bigger than me. I denied it. Then I caught I glimpse in the mirror. I'm not that big - but I'm closer to his size, than I am to one that's not obese. So fuck it. I'm doing the damn juice fast.

And after doing one ponderous round with my new juicer, let me tell you - I AM HUNGRY!!! At least this one works, but it is just as shitty to clean, as it is pretty much just a bigger version of the one I had. The pulp catcher also doesn't attach to the juicer, which makes for an interesting time because the juicer's motor makes the unit dance.  So we'll see how long I last. I'm definately in for 10 days. I'd like to do the whole 60. But this diet is clearly 1 day at a time kinda crapola.