Today I finally did some real exercise, a 5.2 mile walk with Maddy from her house to gables estates and back. If I do this 2 times a week with her, and 3 more 1 mile walks in my parents hood - I might actually lose my disgusting gut by the end of this fast. It's amazing how much faster the time/distance passes when you are swapping stories with a workout buddy.
Tomorrow morning marks the 1/3 checkpoint. While I doubt I'll be 1/3 of the way to my goal, I still feel like I am making progress and gaining energy level. I was extremely sedentary when I started. Not so much now.
Today was also Jade's open house. Her 1st grade reading teacher is a trip. Skinny black lady with an ill-fitting blonde wig. Which reminds me of Jeff Clayton's half serious post-gig order in 1996: "We only want black hookers - with blonde wigs!"
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
day 14
It's a long standing joke in my family how you shouldn't go shopping when you are hungry. Somehow this happens even when I'm not eating solid food. We only "needed" a few items, but somehow I blew $97 at the grocery store in part because I didn't read that the the $10 "coupon" in the paper was actually for a gift card that you can't use until your next purchase. ugh.
i might have been a little preoccupied because of this south miami rage moment:
i might have been a little preoccupied because of this south miami rage moment:
my kid was acting like a poorly trained dog all morning, and I am on 2 hours of sleep because my parents like me to take them to the airport before the ticket counters open at 6 am
so when we rounded the corner to her classroom, she stopped walking, and i leaned over and hissed in her ear "why are you acting like a bitch?" which might have been a little excessive sure, but she was button pushing like a 2 year old on an elevator all morning
and some fucking jackass with a southern accent and an oxford shirt booms "SUR! Watch Your Mouth!"
motherfucker. I was so mad/tired I couldn't respond.
I want so bad to tell him to go to the 7th grade American history class down the block and learn about the 1st amendment - tell him the american nazi party was currently taking volunteers - or kick his teeth in.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Day 11
So my earlier rant was premature. I weighed myself later that day and I was down 5 pounds from that Sunday.
Keeping myself in produce has been a challenge. Thankfully farm stores and gardener's market sent me a $25 for $50 coupon to try their new psuedo delivery service where you can shop online at garners/farm stores and pick it up at any farm stores. So I did it once with my name and tomorrow I'll pick up the order I made under dad's name.
Another week or so and I should be back to where I was last year, 238ish. Then comes the real work, getting down to 200.I had a nice walk in my parent's hood in the hot sun today. Another 40 of those should help melt my lard off.
Keeping myself in produce has been a challenge. Thankfully farm stores and gardener's market sent me a $25 for $50 coupon to try their new psuedo delivery service where you can shop online at garners/farm stores and pick it up at any farm stores. So I did it once with my name and tomorrow I'll pick up the order I made under dad's name.
Another week or so and I should be back to where I was last year, 238ish. Then comes the real work, getting down to 200.I had a nice walk in my parent's hood in the hot sun today. Another 40 of those should help melt my lard off.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Day 7
When I wake up later this morning, it will mark one week of no solid food.
I'd consider that an accomplishment, if it wasn't for jumping up on Publix's scale thursday afternoon and seeing a higher number than what my parent's scale showed on sunday. Granted, I may have 3-4 pounds of backed up waste in me as I haven't dropped a deuce in a couple of days. Yes, I was wearing clothes, unlike when I weighed in - but goddamn! I'm only consuming 1100 calories or less a day! I should be down at least 3 pounds!
I haven't been exercising. Today I did most of the vita course at Kennedy park. Tomorrow I think I'll take a walk through Jade's park where she goes to camp, and/or start doing Lai's new aerobics DVD. I will lose this goddamn weight.
I'd consider that an accomplishment, if it wasn't for jumping up on Publix's scale thursday afternoon and seeing a higher number than what my parent's scale showed on sunday. Granted, I may have 3-4 pounds of backed up waste in me as I haven't dropped a deuce in a couple of days. Yes, I was wearing clothes, unlike when I weighed in - but goddamn! I'm only consuming 1100 calories or less a day! I should be down at least 3 pounds!
I haven't been exercising. Today I did most of the vita course at Kennedy park. Tomorrow I think I'll take a walk through Jade's park where she goes to camp, and/or start doing Lai's new aerobics DVD. I will lose this goddamn weight.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Day 4
Aside from the occasional hunger pain, I've been able to stick to the juice fast since I started last Friday. My juiceman jr. smoked up a little today while I fed kale to it, but otherwise it has held up pretty well to my 3-4 juicings per day.
I've managed a couple minor cheats, eating a little pulp from my work and a juice popsicle at the end of the night. But honestly, those couldn't make up more than 50 calories a day so I'm not worried about that.
I started using my 2-year old instant fiber today, in the hopes that bowel movement may occur sometime soon. I haven't taken a dump since Saturday, and would like to without the help of the enema kits I bought as a joke for my housewarming party last year.
I just read an interview with Earnest Hemingway in the Paris review via my new favorite website, longform.org. It's funny how the self-professed tough guy of all time was so bitchy in response to any inquiry about his process. His prose may be tough guy, but his actual voice reads like Paul Lynde or Liberace. Funny shit.
I've managed a couple minor cheats, eating a little pulp from my work and a juice popsicle at the end of the night. But honestly, those couldn't make up more than 50 calories a day so I'm not worried about that.
I started using my 2-year old instant fiber today, in the hopes that bowel movement may occur sometime soon. I haven't taken a dump since Saturday, and would like to without the help of the enema kits I bought as a joke for my housewarming party last year.
I just read an interview with Earnest Hemingway in the Paris review via my new favorite website, longform.org. It's funny how the self-professed tough guy of all time was so bitchy in response to any inquiry about his process. His prose may be tough guy, but his actual voice reads like Paul Lynde or Liberace. Funny shit.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Take 2
Dear diary, It's been a month since our last attempt at juice fasting.
So last week, I picked up a new juicer from a rich, big titted FIU prof who runs the very program I dropped out of 2 years ago after one mini semester. Go figure. I also bought most of her used used pots, as she's doing a whole kitchen remodel. Despite Jade being with me in her half million dollar mcmansion in BFE Palmetto Bay, I creeped her out when I told her I was briefly in her special ed program, which is funny considering I had no idea it was her program. She was so eager to get me out, she forgot to put the frigging pulp catcher in my trunk which caused a week long delay in getting it back.
As an aside, her program sucks. Putting grad students in undergrad classes, and charging double for the same course with just a little extra busywork is total bullshit. I learned the same shit as the 18 year old girl next to me. It was a little demeaning. And since there's a permanent hiring freeze in the public schools, there was no reason to drop 25K + on another degree that wouldn't get me any work. It was almost as the pneumonia and collapsed lung I got during that semester was trying to tell me to get the fuck out.
Anywho, as I'm not going to be eating solid foods for the foreseeable future, I made a point to go out with a gluttonous bang. First I had lunch at the filipino joint that's in Professor Boobies' hood. I had been angling to go there for months with no luck. It was a little disappointing, but the lumpia were good. Then I made a decent gumbo ya ya, but the heat level was so mild it was at Lai's level and it didn't wow.
My gluttony level got a nice boost with an unexpected visit from my friend Tom, who road manages a world famous corporate rock band that's high on the suck meter. His charges were flown in to play a private show at the Fountainbleau for 250 wireless salesmen.
I drove out and took Tom to Pubbelly, a gastropub on the bay side of south beach. The first time I visited that joint, it was post LCD soundsystem party during Basel week and the semi-hot bartender split her time between feeding me free draft beer and trying to figure out a discreet space to fuck one of the cooks in their open kitchen.
This time, the joint was full, even at 30 minutes before close, and the beer was $9-$18 a pop. Good thing Tom is in the top tax bracket. Thanks to him, I finally tried some of pubbelly's justifiably famous bacon-wrapped, chorizo-stuffed dates. We also had duck dumplings (very good), pork belly dumplings (good) and pesto covered scallops (great). Tom regaled me with tales concerning his singer's LSD (lead singer disease) outbreaks, which were annoying to be sure - but massaging that kobe cash cow seems to be pretty worthwhile. Especially in comparison to the crazy shit I had to put up with while in the Weird World of BF.
Lai was bumming hard about her job and wanted to go out last night, so my final caloric blowout was at Chu's in the gables. We've had this restaurant.com coupon sitting around for almost a year, because Lai was concerned Jade wouldn't eat anything there. So it was a nice surprise that they had the full dim sum menu available, albeit marked up a couple bucks. So Jade could have her normal pork bun and egg custards.
And we could finally eat Chu's peking duck. Lai is a duck fanatic and I love peking duck. So it was on like donkey kong. The server carved up the whole duck next to the table for the mu shu duck course (which was very good, but not as good as the 2nd course), and we made conversation with the older couple next to us, who were vegetarian groupies of the chef, which struck me as odd as the dude was frigging HUGE. I mean Dom Delouise huge. No way he got that big eating just veggies. It was a nice night out, which got ruined when Lai made a crack that the dude wasn't bigger than me. I denied it. Then I caught I glimpse in the mirror. I'm not that big - but I'm closer to his size, than I am to one that's not obese. So fuck it. I'm doing the damn juice fast.
And after doing one ponderous round with my new juicer, let me tell you - I AM HUNGRY!!! At least this one works, but it is just as shitty to clean, as it is pretty much just a bigger version of the one I had. The pulp catcher also doesn't attach to the juicer, which makes for an interesting time because the juicer's motor makes the unit dance. So we'll see how long I last. I'm definately in for 10 days. I'd like to do the whole 60. But this diet is clearly 1 day at a time kinda crapola.
So last week, I picked up a new juicer from a rich, big titted FIU prof who runs the very program I dropped out of 2 years ago after one mini semester. Go figure. I also bought most of her used used pots, as she's doing a whole kitchen remodel. Despite Jade being with me in her half million dollar mcmansion in BFE Palmetto Bay, I creeped her out when I told her I was briefly in her special ed program, which is funny considering I had no idea it was her program. She was so eager to get me out, she forgot to put the frigging pulp catcher in my trunk which caused a week long delay in getting it back.
As an aside, her program sucks. Putting grad students in undergrad classes, and charging double for the same course with just a little extra busywork is total bullshit. I learned the same shit as the 18 year old girl next to me. It was a little demeaning. And since there's a permanent hiring freeze in the public schools, there was no reason to drop 25K + on another degree that wouldn't get me any work. It was almost as the pneumonia and collapsed lung I got during that semester was trying to tell me to get the fuck out.
Anywho, as I'm not going to be eating solid foods for the foreseeable future, I made a point to go out with a gluttonous bang. First I had lunch at the filipino joint that's in Professor Boobies' hood. I had been angling to go there for months with no luck. It was a little disappointing, but the lumpia were good. Then I made a decent gumbo ya ya, but the heat level was so mild it was at Lai's level and it didn't wow.
My gluttony level got a nice boost with an unexpected visit from my friend Tom, who road manages a world famous corporate rock band that's high on the suck meter. His charges were flown in to play a private show at the Fountainbleau for 250 wireless salesmen.
I drove out and took Tom to Pubbelly, a gastropub on the bay side of south beach. The first time I visited that joint, it was post LCD soundsystem party during Basel week and the semi-hot bartender split her time between feeding me free draft beer and trying to figure out a discreet space to fuck one of the cooks in their open kitchen.
This time, the joint was full, even at 30 minutes before close, and the beer was $9-$18 a pop. Good thing Tom is in the top tax bracket. Thanks to him, I finally tried some of pubbelly's justifiably famous bacon-wrapped, chorizo-stuffed dates. We also had duck dumplings (very good), pork belly dumplings (good) and pesto covered scallops (great). Tom regaled me with tales concerning his singer's LSD (lead singer disease) outbreaks, which were annoying to be sure - but massaging that kobe cash cow seems to be pretty worthwhile. Especially in comparison to the crazy shit I had to put up with while in the Weird World of BF.
Lai was bumming hard about her job and wanted to go out last night, so my final caloric blowout was at Chu's in the gables. We've had this restaurant.com coupon sitting around for almost a year, because Lai was concerned Jade wouldn't eat anything there. So it was a nice surprise that they had the full dim sum menu available, albeit marked up a couple bucks. So Jade could have her normal pork bun and egg custards.
And we could finally eat Chu's peking duck. Lai is a duck fanatic and I love peking duck. So it was on like donkey kong. The server carved up the whole duck next to the table for the mu shu duck course (which was very good, but not as good as the 2nd course), and we made conversation with the older couple next to us, who were vegetarian groupies of the chef, which struck me as odd as the dude was frigging HUGE. I mean Dom Delouise huge. No way he got that big eating just veggies. It was a nice night out, which got ruined when Lai made a crack that the dude wasn't bigger than me. I denied it. Then I caught I glimpse in the mirror. I'm not that big - but I'm closer to his size, than I am to one that's not obese. So fuck it. I'm doing the damn juice fast.
And after doing one ponderous round with my new juicer, let me tell you - I AM HUNGRY!!! At least this one works, but it is just as shitty to clean, as it is pretty much just a bigger version of the one I had. The pulp catcher also doesn't attach to the juicer, which makes for an interesting time because the juicer's motor makes the unit dance. So we'll see how long I last. I'm definately in for 10 days. I'd like to do the whole 60. But this diet is clearly 1 day at a time kinda crapola.
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